I should probably mention...

That I am not blogging here anymore.

I am now over at wordpress:
Here

See you there!

The Change.

I was only 6 years old when Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols bombed the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995. I didn't really know anything about it; I didn't know anything about the message it was supposed to convey; I didn't know what a "terrorist attack" was. I did know, however, that it shook my mom like I had never seen before.

My maternal grandfather lived just outside the city. While my mother and her father were estranged at the time, it still hit a little too close to home. In a way, I think it's what spurred their reunion just a short time later.

When this song and video came out, I remember watching it once with my mom. Just once. She couldn't stand to watch it or hear it more than that. She absolutely loves the song, but it was just too much. I heard the song off and on for the next few years.

Ten years later, I looked up the song again. It speaks to me more now than it ever has.

As I take more and more classes that challenge my ideas of the state of this nation and this world, I realize more and more that we, as individuals, need to take a stand. It's easy to get frustrated with all the things going on right now: with the recession, with the situations of loved ones, and the list goes on. Things are changing quickly...we need to show the world that it won't change who we are.

That through it all, we have hope for a brighter tomorrow.

If we don't, then we're just another agent in the vicious cycle we call the ways of the world.

Giving Thanks.

Things I’m thankful for this year (in no particular order):


1. My parents. Over the last two years, it has really hit me exactly how much my parents have sacrificed for me…how hard they have worked to provide for me the things their parents could not. Together, they put my brother and me through private school from the time we were 2 until we finished the 8th grade. They are currently putting me through a 4-year university undergraduate education. My mom went back to school and got her Masters in order to make sure the rest of my family could still function while doing so. My parents have come to my school on two occasions simply because I needed them to. The second time they drove 3 hours to get there, since all of the freeways were closed due to the fires. The sacrifices are endless. When I grow up, I want to be the kind of parent for my kids that my parents are for me.

2. My brother. So I wrote a post a few weeks ago highlighting some of the things I love about my brother. But the list is endless. I love that he always acts so insensitive, but when it comes down to it, he has one of the biggest hearts I know. He knows how to add humor to every event. He knows how to show people he cares without actually saying the words. He gives the best hugs. He knows when something is wrong before almost anyone else. Of course, he understands all the mishaps within our family. He sees the good in everyone, but isn’t afraid to point out when you mess up. I am so lucky to be able to call my brother one of my best friends.

3. My best friend. It has been six years since my best friend and I met in that English Honors class our freshman year. Little did we know that peer editing those essays would lead to the best friendship of our lives. Over the last six years, we have helped each other through all of the fun stuff of growing up. She is the one who understands me when I don’t. The one who can tell all of my stories just as well as I can, and probably better. The one outside the family who has actually become a part of the inner-workings of the family. The one who has no problem asking me all of the tough questions. The one who has no problem leading me to all of the tough answers. The one who I cannot imagine my life without. I cannot imagine anyone else helping me through the rough-me-up-stuff the way she does. Her patience, her understanding, and her love have gotten me where I am today. Every day, I cannot believe that I am so blessed.

4. My older cousin. Growing up, we were not close at all. He is 10 years older than me. He was in high school and I was just a little brat. But as we’ve gotten older, we have become friends. He is one of the most amazing guys I know. He worked his way through school, spending three years at a community college before transferring to UCLA. He is now a sports writer for a local newspaper, covering UCLA and the Dodgers, and anyone else they ask him to cover. He has worked for everything he has ever been able to really call his own, which is a deep contrast from his little sister. He takes it all in stride. He cares deeply about everyone, and even when they treat him poorly, he repeatedly shows that he is the better man. Over the last year, our relationship has deeply changed for the better. When his little sister decided she was going to marry someone that none of us approve of, we needed each other. I was to be the maid of honor, and he was not even asked to be a part of the ceremony. Over the last year, we have both been taken for granted and treated remarkably poorly in the midst of the wedding planning. Without each other, we could have never gotten through it. The wedding is now a month over, but the support and strength of that relationship is still there. We may not have wanted it to happen, but we have surely benefited from its occurrence. Again, I am so blessed to have someone in my family who is not someone I just see at the holidays.

5. My friends. I absolutely love the group we’ve developed since graduating from high school. Five of us still hang out on a regular basis. We spend our holiday weekends together. We bake cakes at 3 in the morning. We play Cranium, Pictionary, and a mass of other games regularly. We know and love each others' families. We represent 5 different universities. The blend is amazing. My weekends would be nothing without them. I am also extremely thankful for my college friends, the high school friends I still talk to, and all of the other random friends I’ve met along the way. They have helped shape my heart and soul in remarkable ways.

6. The rest of my family. Especially since I left for college, they have become a remarkable support system. I am one of their own, and they couldn’t be more proud of what I’m off doing. Simultaneously, I couldn’t be more proud of them. They’re all amazing people leading amazing lives, even when I don’t always think of it that way. I certainly have my moments of hating the idea of family events, but once I’m there, I couldn’t be more thankful for the family I have.


There are many many more things that I am thankful for every day. We live in a blessed nation, and though things might not always be going the way we would like, it is important to realize just how lucky we are.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

In Every Corner.

I see you in the spring sky, the blue of which matches your eyes.
I see you in the fall leaves, running and playing around.
I see you in the winter rain, when my eyes match the clouds.
I see you in the summer nights, when I gaze into the sparkling sky like the glimmer in your eye.

I see you when I see a white boy play basketball like no one’s business.
I see you when I see someone pull off the most impossible of spares.
I see you when I see old clips of Mick Foley and The Rock.
I see you when I hear an old Jay-Z or Nelly song.
I see you when I see a Pat & Oscar’s.
I see you when I pass Hooters, as I relive that utter joy on your face the moment you stepped inside.
I see you when I drive the streets of Newport Beach.
I see you when I’m sitting at Red Robin laughing with my friends.
I see you when I see that one of my guy friends cut his face shaving.

I see you when I drive right by your old house on my way to and from school.
I see you when I pass a Mustang on the freeway.
I see you when I’m driving down a curvy road…

I see you in my dreams, smiling that smile that no one can ever forget.
I see you in every corner of my heart and soul, smiling when I can’t.

Congratulations, California.

In an historical election promoting change and hope for a brighter tomorrow, you voted in favor of systematically denying an entire population of rights that everyone else has. As far as our nation might have come last night, you have proved that in California, we're all for institutionalized prejudice. And still you wonder why the world is going the way it is...why there is so much hate in the world. Why there are wars being fought that cannot be won. Let's take a look at our institutions...and the fact that our "democracy" votes for the systematic denial of rights of human beings.


Meanwhile, you pass bonded propositions that deplete the general fund. Apparently you missed the whole summer debacle where the legislature was in a stalemate over the budget because HEY, WE HAVE NO MONEY. So, the good ol' governor decided that it would be best to deprive all "unnecessary" state employees of their rightful paychecks, and pay them the federal minimum wage of $6.55/hour...threatening thousands more foreclosures and bills gone unpaid in the process.


So when our legislature is at a stand-still for yet another year and our state employees pay for it, remember that you brought this on.


When your cost of tuition goes up because funds are being taken away from education in order to fund all of these projects, remember that your brought this on.


When the price of groceries goes up because you sent our agriculture out of state, remember that you brought this on.


When our taxes go up to pay for the BILLIONS of additional dollars that you decided to approve WHEN WE ALREADY HAVE NO MONEY FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR and fiscal years to come, remember that you brought this on.


Congratulations, California. In an election that will always be remembered for what it proved to the world and the hope it instilled in millions of Americans, we voted for all-around regression and proved that we are just as prejudiced as we were 50 years ago...the focus is just different.

The Guys in My Life (Part 1)

I am lucky enough to have the most remarkable guys in my life...and I even get to call some of them family.

My brother is one of the biggest influences in my life. He is 18 months older than me. We had some degree of sibling rivalry growing up, but I don't think it was as bad as other cases I have seen, and faded out by late middle school. (The biggest problem we ever had was when my parents had to ban us from wrestling, because once he sat on my chest, and well, that made breathing a little difficult.)

Our characters are vastly different. He is loud, loves to be the center of attention, and incredibly honest, though it's often interpreted as being crass. He is also a better guitarist than he would ever believe.

I, on the other hand, am rather reserved in most situations, love being a wallflower, and I rarely say exactly what I'm thinking. (And I was ever only a mediocre drummer, at best.)

But most notably, we have very different work ethics, especially when it comes to school. I would argue that he is much more intelligent than I am, but our high school years, and even post-high school years, would not deliver the same message.

He has been out of high school for nearly 4 years now...the friends that he graduated with will be graduating from 4-year universities in the spring. And he...well he's at community college. But it doesn't faze him. He is the first to acknowledge he messed around too much...and he's finally settling down.

More than anything, he wants to make his way to a 4-year university. He's been working hard for over a year to make sure that he can do that by next year. He found a way to make it to England to study abroad earlier this year, and is now paying the bills for it. Recently, he started working while going to school, and is one of the top sellers in the store. He has an idea of where he wants to go, and how he wants to get there.

I'm ever so proud of him for that. We've surely taken different paths, but all the while, he has been one of my greatest role models.

He's one of my best friends. He makes me laugh like no one else. He understands me in ways that no one else can.

I simply don't know what I would do without him.

Tough Questions.

I'm sorry about the two week break. You see, between baseball, school, my cousin's upcoming wedding (eek), and a list of other things, writing a post has not been on the top of my list.

Twitter is a much better option at the moment.

Anyway, after a few hard weeks, I've been needing to know that something, anything, is the way it should be.

Last night, I got exactly what I needed from the one person I can always count on--the one person who knows me better than I know myself.

Likewise, she always knows just the right questions to ask.

The one that made me stop in my tracks:

"What's the biggest thing that would make your life better right now?"

...What's your answer?

I make lists in my sleep.

Reasons to be a Member of Red Sox Nation:

(in no particular order)

1. Kinship. Wherever you go in America, you're bound to run into a Sox fan. I've rarely ran into a bond of strangers like that of RSN.

2. On the rare occasion you run into a non-bandwagon Angel (aka the want-to-be Yankees of the West) fan, glares ensue. You just smile and move on because you know that they are just dealing with an inferiority complex. We may be their biggest rival, but they will never be ours.

3. Upon running into a Yankee fan, glares ensue on both sides. The greatest rivalry in all of sports. There's curses. There's Big Papi's jersey beneath the new Yankee Stadium...and then there's the removal of such, for the Yankees can't risk a curse. Their fans can't handle heartbreak (that's that thing they're feeling as they watch us in the postseason from home. They just don't know it).

4. Fenway Park is one of the two remaining original ball parks...and we don't have any of that "Noise-o-Meter," rally towel, rally monkey (ahem), thunderstick crap. We're all original, and our fans know when to cheer on their own.

5. The Green Monster. Now THAT'S a home run.

6. We've got old guys who play through pain a rookie wouldn't play through. We've got rookies who respect the old guys, understand who they're playing with, and the expectations they must surpass. We've got more heart for this game than most teams out there.

7. April-September is playoff-caliber baseball. October is a whole 'nother story.

8. It's not individuals. It's about the team...and winning. There are no stats. There are no MVPs. There are no All-Stars. There's only a ring at the end of October.

9. There's heartbreak. There's getting swept at home. There's 14-inning losses. There's blowing a lead. There's a ball passing between Buckner's legs, losing the World Series. There's an 86 year curse. We thrive on heartbreak. There's an endless list. There's not good baseball without heartbreak. And the Sox...well, they'll break your heart, and leave you begging for more.

10. There's overwhelming joy. There's coming back from a 0-3 deficit in the '04 ALCS to win 4 against the Yankees. There's Lester's no-no. There's Tek's 4 caught no-no's. There's Dice-K going 18-3. There's Tek taking down A-Rod. There's two rings in 4 years. There's the bloody sock. There's a 12-1 postseason record against the Angels. There's Ellsbury's first ever 3 run single in the postseason against the Angels. There's (dare I say it) Manny's 500. There's Papelbon's celebrations. There's BecKKKKKett. There's rookies hitting in game winning runs. There's walk-off wins. There's Tek chasing guys off 3rd. There's an endless list. If you can make it through the heartbreak, there's sweet, sweet victory. And it never gets old. Never.

I cried last night.

...hard.

What scares me is that I don't think I know why.

Certainly I had no reason, considering my wonderful weekend, and my successful raffle win (wii).

...What scares me more is that I might know.

But what scares me most is admitting it.

What Can We DO?

Every time I hear this song, it grips my heart.



I get to thinking about someone I knew who committed suicide.

I think about the FIVE people who went to or worked at my high school who committed suicide in just the 4 years I was there.

I think about the several people I know who threatened.

I remember the trips to teachers I trusted...to counselors who let me down.

I remember the late night phone calls...and text messages when we couldn't be heard.

But it still happens. And sometimes, there isn't anything that can be done.

But many times...there is.

We can look more. We can listen more. We can love more.

We can treat someone to lunch.

We can simply smile as we pass by.

"Small things" touch lives more than we will ever know.

What "small things" have you done lately?